In the dating and mating game there will always be a mixture of both the positive and negative, depending on whom you are dealing with and the circumstances you find yourself in. Obviously, whether you are male or female, you don’t want to be directly projecting positive (or sexual) body language to someone you are not interested in. At the same time, however, you also don’t want your body language in general to come across as unapproachable or indifferent.
It’s a balancing act that will take practice to master. But in order to be able to practice how you project yourself, you first have to be self-aware of your own body language and somewhat monitor your behaviour to see how you can improve.
In the job hunting game there is one effective technique that trainers use to help job seekers improve their interview skills.
A mock job interview scenario is set up between the prospective employee and a person acting as the employer. The whole process is videotaped and then played back to the job seeker for critiquing. Improving body language during the interview process is the main aim of this exercise.
The same technique can be applied to the dating scene. In this modern digital age, many people possess a digital camcorder, or a digital still camera that has video capabilities. Set up some mock scenarios amongst your friends. Be sure to have a balanced mixture of males and females in the group. Capture some brief footage of a guy and girl role-playing a scenario where they are meeting for the first time. Play the footage back and everyone can offer their opinions on what was good about the scenario, and areas where body language can be improved upon.
Although this won’t be as accurate as a real life scenario where the guy and girl genuinely don’t know each other, it will help to point out some obvious flaws in one’s body language. And it will be fun in the process.
When out and about, have your friends observe your interaction with others. They can watch from a distance as you chat up that girl, or how you respond to that guy, and let you know how you did.
Feedback from those not directly involved in the scenario can be the greatest source of useful information regarding your strengths, and the areas that might need some work.
Never be so sensitive as to shy away from constructive criticism and feedback. It is essential for personal growth, improvement and learning.
The above article is an excerpt from the author’s book “Dating and Mating: Reading the Body Language Signals” by Darren G. Burton. To view or purchase a copy, visit:
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